Let’s Talk About Online-Dating

Just for the record, I don’t know if online-dating for heterosexual works the same way as we do; however, this article is dedicated to those who have been suffering from being rejected without concrete reasons and always being left in the abyss of self-doubt by strangers, but still not giving up on looking for the one in our life. First of all, I want to point out one thing :

“Online-dating is not shameful, it is merely a way to help people connect with each other.”

As a 20-something young adult who happens to be a queer, online-dating life in Taiwan can be hard but adventurous, especially when you are born and raised in a small, conservative town and once being bullied due to your femininity, which could lead you to tons of prejudices and misunderstandings.

It is hard to deny that it is frustrating when people turn down on others by various reasons such as appearance, behavior, personal style, etc., but the most important of all is that don’t let these incidents kill your vibe. You are who you are as long as you feel confident and comfortable with yourself, it is the only thing that matters since you will definitely experience more-than-once failure on relationship, don’t worry, we all have been there before. (If you don’t I may owe you my respect)

In Taiwan, using online-dating app often often makes us stuck in this judgmental situation, being lectured by those people who are oddly proud of staying “morally innocent”, these people have intent on meeting people in “normal” way. Most people in Taiwan have this idea, if you are on dating app, which usually means you are looking for some “fun” with someone you find sexually synchronized to. To be honest, it’s not a prejudice exclusively happening on gay, on straight also.

As one of loyal online-dating app users since college, I have had some incredible dating experiences thanks to it. It may sound exaggerating, but in Taiwan, it is really hard to have legit dates with people while real and deep conversations are involved. On app, most of time, you would often see awkward dialogues like below :

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“What are you looking for?” (My all-time most hated question on dating app if you ask)

“Nothing special, just looking for someone to chat a bit.”

After the brief response to his question, I will no longer hear anything further from that guy.

You may want to know If I ever felt frustrated after this kind of situation happened over and over again? Always. If I felt sorry that I gave the “wrong answer”? Never.

First of all, clearly we both are not on the same page, next one will always be better. Later on, you tried your best to bring up all the topics with the intention to extend the expiration of this conversation when you meet the new one, but sadly it never works. When it happened too often even beyond your expectation, you would start wondering : “Is it my fault for being authentic and true to myself that I really am just looking for someone to chat with or people nowadays are truly incompetent to handle a real conversation because they are afraid of getting hurt for another time by another guy?”

I have once read this comment that someone said those who claim that they are not looking for anything on dating app are clearly hypocritical since they are literally on “dating” app. Well, I personally think it is a bit assertive to judge in this way, people do have different definitions when it comes to look for someone.

Recently, my failures on online-dating make me feel nostalgic for the good old time when people are still having real connection through the process of exchanging witty and inspiring ideas, sharing our ups and downs, what we have experienced and need an immediate way out. However, I feel there is no way to get back to that era since people now are getting used to have quick dates and multiple matches to make sure they could find the right one as soon as possible.

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder, if the convenience weakens the connections between people, what else can we do to make sure the one we are dating or have feelings for will truly treat us like the way we devote ourselves in this relationship? I still have no answer for it, however, I am always telling myself that we should treat people with the way we want them to do so, even it’s eventually in vain, I won’t feel regret because honesty is all that matters and they deserve my devotion when it comes to commitment.